**T R I G G E R **D E P R E S S I O N **
❤️Full Circle Nurture is my business journey AND My life’s journey❤️
You will soon learn that I am super laid back about some things and just laugh off what grinds my gears.
But other times I get super pissed off or passionate about some things, one of these things is Mental health.
I am so vocal about my journey with depression as a teen and young adult, postnatal depression with our second child, depression and pregnancy loss while trying to grow our family then perinatal depression while pregnant with our forth child.
I fully kicked arse and recovered from all of these times of crippling depression and im stronger for it, even now…right now I am receiving help and treatment for yet another chapter of depression. I have nothing to be ‘sad’ about and incredibly grateful for everything and everyone in my life but that is not what depression is!
People hear the word ‘Depression’ and think that it’s just sadness, this is just a tiny slice of the whole pie! Anger, frustration, helplessness, fatigue just to name a few are all things that work as one and push down on you until you can hardly recognise yourself.
I scrolled across a live poll on a Facebook page last night that was just a photo and a counter for the few different selections you can choose from to identify your relationship with depression and thought hmm looks interesting. Some 13 plus hours on it’s still live and hardly anyone has added to the counter.
I commented asking if this is leading somewhere and received a private message saying yes it is. But it got me thinking…what if clicking that sad face emoji was someone’s last straw? That sounds extreme but it’s true!
I walked into a doctors office, my non usual GP I must add and completely broke into sad pieces of a once strong mother, broke in front of my two youngest boys because I just couldn’t take it anymore, this absolute wank of a GP said ‘Let’s try counseling’ as a FIFO wife and mother of four AND having been in this mental state before, I looked at him and said ‘No my husband works away and all people I trust with my children work, I will have to take the little boys with me, that just won’t work’
He gave me a fake concerned look and turned to his computer saying ‘Well because you are still breastfeeding feeding, and don’t want to wean the only option is a natural alternative like St John’s Wart..have you heard of that?’ Of course I bloody have, but when you can’t get up in the morning and want to lock yourself in the bathroom all bloody day and not open your mouth to talk to a soul and cry because your angry at your beautiful children for needing you so much St John’s Blood wart isn’t quite potent enough now is it! (Is what I wanted to say, but the broken me just said a sobbing ‘yes’)
See ya later! Thank goodness the wonderful nurse that has looked after me and my children stopped me and quickly took me to a private area for a hug and cry and a mum empowering chat that I will forever love her for. ‘Emma it is tough I know, come back and see Dr. ***** (regular GP) he is back next week, but call if you need to talk.
The longest week of trying to push on was so hard and thank goodness I made it. My regular GP looked at me and I broke again. That OTHER doctor said try natural alternatives I said, I don’t have time for that four little people need me. He gave me a script and said only a small amount will go through your Breastmilk, your boys feed less now so please don’t stress. That was a year ago and even though it has been a year some days I still struggle, some days something will trigger a downward spiral but I have the strength to pull myself up because I’m a bloody good fighter.
So back to the last straw thing…clicking that sad face emoji could have been the last attempt to reach out at a mum (or dad) had before they break, that waiting for something, anything to happen to make it all brighter again. The shameful image mental health have been given makes it difficult to reach out, the fake perfect parent that social media created is making it even worse! There is no supermum no superdad no perfect parent no quick fixes or life hacks that will help you kick depression. You NEED to reach out you NEED to ask for help but that is a hard hurdle to climb.
Depression not only affects you, it affects everyone around you! Your partner, your family, your children who need you. You are not alone
Seeing your doctor is a good place to start! Trust me!
There are helplines to call, websites to visit these are great too but please if you feel like you just can’t go on see your GP and together make a plan of attack!
This photo was of me before I ask for help, because I thought I was strong enough to pull myself out this time, so far in I couldn’t see a way out but my stubbornness told me I’m fine! See my smiley face so good at hiding all of those feeling of guilt, grief, sadness, anger, frustration, fatigue the face I used around people so they thought I was okay. Then the real face, the depression face, the face that caged me in, so over everything it was physically painful, and making up excuses to not visit others and not have others visit me.
The face of depression is very deceiving. Don’t feel like your are weak by asking for help, there is no shame and life after help is glorious ❤️
Much love and strength
Emma
(individual depression journeys are not all easily fixed and different treatments are needed for each individual person)